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I remember getting one more
DJ job. After work, I got
a cab, bought a small rock,
and the only motel open on the Friday night was in Bacliff, right across
from the ocean. I smoked that thing and nothing happened.
When I woke up around 12, I walked outside with nothing – no money – and
no where to go. I looked up into the sky, and I said, “Ok, God,
you got me where you want me. I’ve got to ask you for help”.
Instantly, I had a clear knowing of what I was supposed to do. I
was to get a ride from the people leaving the hotel, stay at an
acquaintance’ home in Pasadena that night, and then go into a
Christian-based recovery place called “The Shoulders”.
I found out that I was more concerned about what other people thought than
I did about my own security. Two paroled alcoholics wanted me to
sneak in some liquor on my day off after being there for two months.
Well, I did. And I got kicked out. But seeing this revealed,
I was handed a book I recommend to anyone, “Search for Significance”, by
Robert McGee. I opened that book up the night before I had to
leave, and I read it all night long into the morning. I lived a
life of lies, and that book blew me away!
Sugarcreek Baptist Church paid for my part to continue recovery at “The
Friendship Ranch”. This place was out in the range; barns, horse
stables, a lake, a little old-fashioned church on the premises, like
going back 100 years. I was beginning to become a little more humble,
just
Within the final week before leaving, I saved some money and in my
dreams, my mind, the heavy compulsion, the adrenaline flowing – I could
not change what had started and continued. I was
planning to buy some more crack and smoke it up big time. I
missed my ride back and had to hitchhike back. Here I was –
cocaine in my system big time. I didn’t get in any trouble, and no
one suspected that I relapsed.
There were a bunch of guys that were going to The Star of Hope Living
Quarters to apply for living there. I thought I ought to go too.
I did, and when I got there, I found out that everyone would get tested
as part of the conditions of applying. Can you picture that?
I didn’t have to go, but I guess God didn’t want me to get by with it.
I got kicked out the next day with a month still left to go. My
cousin helped and got me to the Veteran’s Hospital, and I told them that
I could not leave there, that I had to get into their recovery program
or I would end up using. So I spent the night without any money on
a chair in the lobby of the hospital. The next day, they let me in
on the 6th floor. I made it that month and went into
another halfway house. Relapsed after three months. Two more
places – relapsing between both and after, I moved back into society and
into a Christian friend’s apartment through the help of Houston
Church. That apartment complex was full of crack sellers and I
ended running off some new friends I made and moved into my own
apartment |
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Two years in recovery places, each time I messed up, I felt Jesus
saying to me, “Don’t worry, Tad, I’m here. I love you, and we’re
going to make it. Don’t give on me and I won’t give up on you.
Just take a shower and turn away from it.” I had a mentor, and
every time I relapsed, I told him. And every time, he would turn
around and say, “Well, did you repent and turn away from it, on gone
forward? Well, then it’s gone. I got to experience no judging and
a freedom to confess my sins, and go forward – just when I really needed
that. I was led to these small apartments and met my best friend,
Florence Doss. She is about 83 years old now. She was 71,
and learned pro basketball during the 1994-95 Houston Rockets
championships and beyond. She was the greatest. I always saw
God through her. Whenever she would mention Jesus’ name, tears
would start welling up in her eyes. She had an east Texas drawl
that could peel paint off a wall! She helped me out so much.
I love her.
I messed up in
that apartment too, but it started really becoming not fun. I
could feel presences around when I did it, and I really knew I was not
alone. I discovered that when I illicitly use drugs to change my
feelings in the wrong way, I am practicing “Pharmacia”. This is a Greek
term where we get the word, “Pharmacy”. Its definition is
“conjuring up spirits”.
I felt that I was supposed to get rid of my TV, so I did. I was
led to the Christian bookstore and told the lady there that I felt like
there still were things I needed to work on in recovery. She pointed
another excellent book called, “Getting Unstuck in Recovery”, by McGee
again. This book was God’s book. God was i
Tad's Story Part 3
Tad Donley
tad@iamawarrior.com
PRO SOUND AND VIDEO
http://www.prosoundandvideo.com
4901 Milwee, Suite 204
Houston, Texas 77042
832-858-2096 |
