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I remember getting one more
DJ job. After work, I got
a cab, bought a small rock, and the only motel
open on the Friday night was in Bacliff, right across from the ocean. I
smoked that thing and nothing happened. When I woke up around 12, I
walked outside with nothing – no money – and no where to go. I looked up
into the sky, and I said, “Ok, God, you got me where you want me. I’ve
got to ask you for help”. Instantly, I had a clear knowing of what I was
supposed to do. I was to get a ride from the people leaving the hotel,
stay at an acquaintance’ home in Pasadena that night, and then go into a
Christian-based recovery place called “The Shoulders”.
I found out that I was more concerned about what other people thought
than I did about my own security. Two paroled alcoholics wanted me to
sneak in some liquor on my day off after being there for two months.
Well, I did. And I got kicked out. But seeing this revealed, I was
handed a book I recommend to anyone, “Search for Significance”, by Robert
McGee. I opened that book up the night before I had to leave, and I read
it all night long into the morning. I lived a life of lies, and that book
blew me away!
Sugarcreek Baptist Church paid for my part to continue recovery at
“The Friendship Ranch”. This place was out in the range; barns, horse
stables, a lake, a little old-fashioned church on the premises, like going
back 100 years. I was beginning to become a little more humble, just
Within the final week before leaving, I saved some money and in my
dreams, my mind, the heavy compulsion, the adrenaline flowing – I
could not change what had started and continued. I was
planning to
buy some more crack and smoke it up big time. I missed my ride back
and had to hitchhike back. Here I was – cocaine in my system big
time. I didn’t get in any trouble, and no one suspected that I
relapsed.
There were a bunch of guys that were going to The Star of Hope Living
Quarters to apply for living there. I thought I ought to go too. I
did, and when I got there, I found out that everyone would get tested
as part of the conditions of applying. Can you picture that? I
didn’t have to go, but I guess God didn’t want me to get by with it.
I got kicked out the next day with a month still left to go. My
cousin helped and got me to the Veteran’s Hospital, and I told them
that I could not leave there, that I had to get into their recovery
program or I would end up using. So I spent the night without any
money on a chair in the lobby of the hospital. The next day, they let
me in on the 6th floor. I made it that month and went
into another halfway house. Relapsed after three months. Two
more places – relapsing between both and after, I moved back into society
and into a Christian friend’s apartment through the help of Houston
Church. That apartment complex was full of crack sellers and I ended
running off some new friends I made and moved into my own apartment |
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Two years in
recovery places, each time I messed up, I felt Jesus saying to me,
“Don’t worry, Tad, I’m here. I love you, and we’re going to make it.
Don’t give on me and I won’t give up on you. Just take a shower and
turn away from it.” I had a mentor, and every time I relapsed, I told
him. And every time, he would turn around and say, “Well, did you
repent and turn away from it, on gone forward? Well, then it’s gone.
I got to experience no judging and a freedom to confess my sins, and
go forward – just when I really needed that. I was led to these small
apartments and met my best friend, Florence Doss. She is about 83
years old now. She was 71, and learned pro basketball during the
1994-95 Houston Rockets championships and beyond. She was the
greatest. I always saw God through her. Whenever she would mention
Jesus’ name, tears would start welling up in her eyes. She had
an east Texas drawl that could peel paint off a wall! She helped me
out so much. I love her.
I
messed up in that apartment too, but it started really becoming not
fun. I could feel presences around when I did it, and I really knew I
was not alone. I discovered that when I illicitly use drugs to change
my feelings in the wrong way, I am practicing “Pharmacia”. This is a
Greek term where we get the word, “Pharmacy”. Its definition is
“conjuring up spirits”.
I felt that I was supposed to get rid of my TV, so I did. I was led
to the Christian bookstore and told the lady there that I felt like
there still were things I needed to work on in recovery. She pointed
another excellent book called, “Getting Unstuck in Recovery”, by McGee
again. This book was God’s book. God was i
Tad's Story Part 3
Tad Donley
tad@iamawarrior.com
PRO SOUND AND VIDEO
http://www.prosoundandvideo.com
4901 Milwee, Suite 204
Houston, Texas 77042
832-858-2096 |
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