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Most of the time, we really
don’t know how we became like we really are. I was in the dark
about why I didn’t have peace about myself. Growing up, I didn’t
trust my dad. He used to make fun of me. He would never give
me the respect I needed to feel like I was ok. My mom loved me big
time, but all I saw on my dad’s face was contempt and disdain. If
I did something noteworthy, like in school, my mom would say to my dad,
“well, don’t you think Tad did really good?” And my dad would
almost laugh and say, “Well, he could have done a little better…”
So, I didn’t think I was good enough or likeable as myself. So, I
patterned my personality to be like who I was with. It worked!
I became one of the most
popular people in 11th grade. A pattern of partying
started when I was about 15 years old. Beer, girls, the music,
partying, this is what I really wanted to do. I wanted to change
my feelings, because I didn’t like me. I thought I could be more
fun or interesting, or likeable after a few beers and the worries left
me. Little did I know, but I was probably coming across as
arrogant, obnoxious – everything I really never intended to be.
They began to intensify through the years. Pot, snorting cocaine,
Jack Daniels, women. It was a lifestyle, engrained. My
personality is pretty strong, so I became a DJ for night clubs. I
got paid well to motivate everyone to party. Give me a group of
people, a couple CD players, music, and I can have them run around crazy
without them knowing it. So, picture this; to arrive at work at
6:30pm, DJ all night, party along with them, get off work at 3am. Get
home to my live-in girlfriend only to smoke pot again, etc, and get to
sleep about 7am in the morning. Wake up at 4pm and do it again –
all for 10 years. I cheated on her and destroyed her heart.
I thought I could find someone better.
Then I was asked to try out for a working rock band called “The Kids from
Cleveland” in 1981. Playing six nights a week, I had more than
several “casual” relationships going at the same time.
Then it was back to DJ’ing for years. Partying was all that I cared
about. Then I formed a band in 1987 called “Venus”. We
headlined on Friday and Saturday nights and had a minimum two-thousand+
following wherever we played.
But little did anybody know, also in 1987, I was introduced to crack
cocaine. After this, gig, my typical night would be – I would go
back to the band’s practice room located downtown, buy some crack just
up the street, smoke the stuff, and finally sleep in my sweat.
Everyday for nine months right at the period, I would drive to work many
miles south by Galveston to work in a club, drive back after work, spend
seventy bucks or more on crack and leave a little money left for
cigarettes, a couple beers, and maybe a sandwich. I spent over
$40,000 dollars
Tad Donley
tad@iamawarrior.com
PRO SOUND AND VIDEO
http://www.prosoundandvideo.com
4901 Milwee, Suite 204
Houston, Texas 77092
832-858-2096 |
during those nine months.
I was in a desperate situation, but I wouldn’t want to deal with my
problem. I lived for the next hit just to feel normal. If I
had twenty bucks in my hand, I had to, like a zombie, go across town
just to get a small rock that would be gone in ten minutes. There
was nothing I could do about it.
There were times when I hung
out with those that did it and sold it downtown, just for the chance of
getting a “hit” of that stuff.
By June of 1993, I
was invited to live with this guy who worked part-time as an electrician
for a well-known rock bar. I thought by moving to this other area,
I could try to stop. Two weeks later, he ended up inviting one of
his friends over, and he started cooking up and making crack cocaine in
the back room. I couldn’t escape the stuff.
My car broke down when it shouldn’t have. I never doubted why the
car broke down when it did. It ended up costing more to fix the
car than what the car was worth. Soon, the craving kicked in and
he had some broken car stereo equipment that didn’t work. I took a
busted CD car player (one of the first in those days) and took it to a
pawn shop. I acted like I just took it out of my car (I was on a
bike). They believed me without trying it. I walked away
with $100.
I was such a good manipulator that one day I needed a ride to get some
crack. This poor guy was working at a nearby 7-Eleven with a wife
and kid at home, trying to make ends meet. I never met him before.
I walked into his store, and within fifteen minutes, I had the keys to
his car. Within three months, the car was gone, where I was
staying was gone, I could not get any jobs. I knew it was God, but
the addiction couldn’t go away. God set it up to where I had to do
a lot of thinking about everything. I had no place to go and a lot
of time to think. I’d have just enough for cigarettes, and I would
sit down on a peer overlooking Seabrook bay water in the sun.
Tad's
Story Part 2
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